Love In Need. Love In Deed

I mean love in the broadest sense,
not just those between a pair of lovers hor. :)
I seriously think this world could be more beautiful if we have more of it.

Just observe around us, how many self-centred/selfish/wrong/disgusting/insensitive behaviours can we identify?
Plenty, I'm afraid.
I'm not angel. In the worst of mood, I may even feel like "trashing" these people exhibiting such behaviours. Feel only lah.. No action de. I can't possibly execute it. Haha.. I am of such a small built and I just got to "take care" of myself mah. :P

Oh I must also self-reflect that when I singled them out, I may be viewed as rather unforgiving/judgemental by another person observing me. Heh.. I don't care so much also lah.
However, the fact remains that while we may observe/judge (all we can) but at the same time, we are being observed/judged.

I think many of these people need help of some kind.
Their actions are certainly not right / wrong / inappropriate / selfish / insensitive or even disgusting. It needs another person with love to assist them, telling them, guiding them. I am afraid scolding them doesn't help at all (albeit I do feel like "trashing" them sometimes). Most probably, they are in their world too long, got too used to it and cannot possibly tell the wrongs from the rights.

Sometimes, I wonder why bother to care about them, as the evil side of me says, "Let them rot!" mm...
I think my answer is simple enough. I have tasted enough the sweetness of forgiveness, of being guided patiently to see that I'm in the wrong and yet I could possibly correct myself.
Hence, I would rather play by the safe side that there's still hope.

I'm trying to learn to genuinely love.
I admit it is difficult to start with such a difficult target like someone we don't know. I try to start with people around me and (at least) pray for people still at a distance from me. Heh.. easy to say only lah.. I know I'm still so normal, so plain, so distant from my target also..

Nevertheless, I shall try. :)

I would be just as grateful if anyone were to care enough to correct me. Please don't see me in the wrong, keep silence about it, and let me fall. :)

People, let's try. :)

Silly Retainer...

For many people, the word "retainer" might not even cross your mind.
Alright, it's just a piece of plastic and metal that is custom-made for me to help my teeth stay set in their new positions after wearing braces.

I'm not undermining its importance. I need it.

I would like to talk (randomly) about the discomfort associated with it.
(1) My speech is impaired. To understand this, try sucking a (big enough) sweet in your month and talk at the same time. Ok... all dear *little pals had a good laugh.
(2) I was told to wear it 24/7 (possibly for about a year), only to be spared when taking meals.
(3) There is certainly an increase in saliva flow. Yuck! Got to consciously control it lah.. anyhow drool how? Later all the mei mei got the wrong signals.. Haha...
(4) Besides, we know how saliva smells like. This makes taking it out (before meal) and putting it in (after meal) a little messy. Got to 'play' with saliva a bit lah. Don't pretend and tell me your saliva smells great at the later part of the day (albeit you may have brushed thoroughly in the morning). Heh..
(5) Since the retainer retains in the month for so long, it certainly harbours germs, bacteria, plague and maybe food particles. This makes daily maintenance like brushing or even soaking in some kind of mouth wash necessary. Aiyo.. like an ah pek maintaining his denture man. :P

The orthodontist said that with practice, eventually, I won't even notice it's there.
Eventually!!??..
Heh.. certainly one more thing for me to look forward to. :)

Mid Autumn … (The Season of Harvest)

This may not be a local scene, but you got to trust me, it's the same moon.

Wonder why Mid Autumn Festival is such a celebratory occasion?
Mm… we are told it’s supposed to be so, as illustrated in our culture, history, etc.

It is indeed a beautiful occasion. Heh.. I am not going to challenge that. Seeing many people making an effort to come close together as family or close pals, for meal, chat, fun, etc. is plain beautiful. Try going outdoor in the night as well. Look at the moon. It’s awesome.

I try to view it slightly differently...

Long long time ago, in the “agricultural period” where seasons meant a lot to all.

Spring (春)
Seeds are sowed. Awaiting new “birth”, new hope.

Summer (夏)
Growth continues. This is a growing / strengthening phase.

Autumn (秋)
Harvesting is the main task.

Winter (冬)
Living upon the harvest gathered and preparing for the next spring.

这就是所谓的
春生、夏长、秋收、冬藏。

I shall just concentrate on the discussion of the season of Autumn (秋).

Imagine we are living in that “agricultural period”..
Autumn is a season of harvesting. We see the rewards / results. Shouldn’t we celebrate? Furthermore, on the 15th day of the August, we have the backing of nature to setup a natural stage for us by providing the brightest moon. Wouldn’t you want to call upon all your family members or close pals to come together and make merry for having a bountiful harvest? It would only be the timeliest and most appropriate thing to do, I think. Haha...

虽言是秋收，但未必是大丰收。
若在春季播撒的是焦芽败种、或是在夏季对庄稼不多加尽力呵护，收成必然不佳。

However, in the process of harvesting, it is only natural that only the good are reaped, while the bad will be separated, only to be thrown and burnt. Hence, to ensure a bountiful harvest, we must really work hard during / throughout the spring and summer (and also pray hard that the weather conditions match well), or else a harsh reality awaits.

虽说是秋收，其实也谓秋杀。
良好则留、败坏则灭。

Now that we have lived pass that “agricultural period”, does this festival loses its significance? Ha.. many people are still celebrating for the sake of celebrating, I’m afraid, anyway. Ok, we don’t really need a reason to celebrate. Coming together with family and close pals is always nice anytime, anywhere.

Let’s put it in perspective.
We like to have a bountiful harvest (in the autumn), but have we ask ourselves what have we done (in the spring and summer) to deserve it?

In the season of harvesting, we only reap what we sow. :)
Have we sow the seeds for the betterment of tomorrows? :)

Urban Beggar?

I parked my car and just got out of it and locked it.
A person nearby looked at me, greeted me and said, "Wa, long time no see. You are driving a car now ah?" Erm.. I searched my memory and I just don't recall that face ever crossed my path.
I returned a friendly smile and walked away.

When I was walking off, the person called for me (not by name, but by "Hello, Siao Di"). I thought I had left something behind and I responded to the call rather naturally.
Wa.. the person said, "Can blunjah aunty dinner not. See (she showed me her empty wallet), aunty really got no more cash liao."

Wait a minute. Aunty? All the while I thought I was talking to a man. The person has a composition of unkept short hair, loose collar tee, short pants, squarish face.. .
Mm.. I scanned for clue. Got the hint that the person could really be an aunty by lowering my concentration level to about the person's chest level :P

Under the broad day light and he.. mm.. ok she was asking (begging?) for money. Oh, it was noted that her wallet was indeed empty, but she was at the same time holding on to a can of soft drink on her right hand. Plus, plus.. she looked "able-bodied".

Every sense of me told me that she should be working for it (her dinner or whatever).
Yet, I gave in to her request. I passed her $2 (maybe just to get her away, or else she might create a scene of some kind).
She even asked if I could give her $4.
I felt a little disgusted. Maybe this word is a little too strong. But.. but..
Haiz.. I told her I had no enough cash and I turned to walk off. She walked off too. I don't remember her saying any word of thanks, not that I'm expected it anyway. It was her almost nonchalant way of asking and taking that was a little disturbing.

She needs help of some kind.
I wasn't helping her.

Famous Tao Sa Piah

Just take a look :

The banner says it so!
And truly, around this time, the queue at the stall is almost never ending.

I thought of going earlier (say 3pm) to beat the after-office-hour crowd. I expect more people to rush down there after work to make the almost last minute purchase.
Guess what? I lost to the aunties/housewives lah..
When I reached at around 3:30pm, the queue was already there.

I waited and waited and finally I was number 2 in the queue. Erps.. no more stock and there was a pause in sales while the baking was still on-going. I was quite sure, when the next tray came in, I would be able to take my share. No leh.. I was wrong. Not too long after, indeed a new tray came in. The person just in front of me asked for 50 and that practically swapped up everything in that tray and I have to continue to wait for the next new tray to come in. Argg.. But when my turns came, I also asked for 50. :P
(not as retaliation hor.. I was getting for family and friends.. )
Anyway, I was sure I had heard the aunties at my back were making some comments. Somewhat like "哎哟，没有我们的份咯".

People are so willing to queue for the freshly baked (not just famous ok) Tao Sa Piah. I observed that once a big tray of Tao Sa Piahs was dished out of the oven, its content will be swapped up / packed / sold in less than 2 minutes. Impressive! Wa.. I’m trying to imagine the profit rolling into their pockets.

Before I left the store at around 4:30pm, I noticed the queue was as long (if not longer) than when I first joined the queue. Mm..

Queuing can be boring. Only the thought that I was getting something for family and friends made the experience more bearable or even worthwhile. Haha..

Writing About Writing

I think about many things and try to read as much.
To put them in words.. *ahem.. that’s just not so easy for me.

However, ever since I try to write something to keep this blog slightly more alive, I begin to notice...
(1) I become slightly more observant of the things happening around me. (Maybe I am trying to pick up a reasonable topic to write about.)
(2) I begin to try to define my thoughts and feelings more precisely. (Maybe I am trying to express them in words later in the actual post.)
(3) When an event crops up, I am actually mentally figuring out how I would want to write/express it, that is, as if I am really going to post an entry about it later. (Maybe this is where if I were to have a PDA, it would be rather nice. Haha.. )

My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way.
~ ~ Ernest Hemingway

I quite like what Ernest Hemingway said. However, I think this can only be achieved by a rather accomplished writer. I am just far from it.

Heh.. frankly, I am even bored by my own writing.
Nevertheless, I shall still try to write some lines (if time allows). That is the only way to improve, I think.
Of course, if there are any 高手 who are kind enough to give me a tip or two, you are certainly welcomed. :)

- - -

Anyway, I was a little surprised to learn how an almost seasoned blogger/writer managed to find his way here and actually left a trace (comment) on one of my earlier post (http://nanzidao.blogspot.com/2005/07/car-park-fee-rethink.html) today. Haha…

RT Gathering..

RT = Remedial Training.
This is quite an army standard abbreviation.
As a reservist, if we fail IPPT (even after nth attempt), we have to enrole ourselves in this RT programme.
Okay, I'm in for this programme (by default). Put it in a more straight forward fashion, I'm just super lousy in my physical fitness. Heh..

I was thinking to myself, some years back. What would it be like if the PTIs involved were to be my ex *little pal(s)? Today this becomes a "half-reality". Haha.. one of the PTIs was from where I work. He wasn't tutored by me but we know of each other existence. Aiyo.. a little bit paiseh man.
He was rather surprised that I recognised him and actually called him by his name. He remember only 'consulted' me once. Haha.. my memory not too bad right? :P

I remember him being a very shy young man and not doing very well academically. He was that kind of super guai student who will do everything in his best capacity, yet his grades were.. erm... really bad. At one point, almost all his teachers (together with those in powers) were discussing /debating whether to promote him or to superannuate him. That's why I remember him, although our contact was really very brief.

Today, I saw a different him.
"Gentlemen, I am SGT Oh P. C. I will be your instructor for the next one or two months. I am here to help you pass...."
"Gentlemen, I know you are very tired. You must know I am also doing with you. If you do 50 , I am doing 100...."
He was talking steadily, while addressing to hundreds of us.
He was beaming with confidence. Lovely.
Sincerely hope he will do well in future.

Towards the end of the training... that was where a little "fun" began.
I saw one ex *little pal (JRM) with some of his friends there. He is a soldier there. Just glad to meet him and naturally I walked towards him and playfully poke his side tummy. He jumped. Haha.. he saw me and was obviously as glad. He stood there, turned around to face me and gave me a playful salute, smiling wildly all at the same time. He saw the tag I was wearing and said, "Huh, you in RT ah?" So loudly somemore. OMG. It drew more attention towards me. Many more soldiers were then looking over.

I walked away lah.. got more training mah..
Then I heard a different voice calling me. I turned back to search for the source. Wa.. I was greeted by another ex *little pal (K.S.). He was waving at me. He was forming up in a parade square wearing civilian clothing waiting to book out. He saw the colourful tag I was wearing and blurted out, "Huh, you in RT ah?" Plus, he literally smack his forehead and was smiling (or was it laughing?). I waved back, smacking my forehead also lah. Many of those young soldiers forming up together with him was also looking over and smiling too. Aiyoweiah.. a bit malu.

Anyway, I find it rather funny also.

Also to mention, I bummed into a friend, JQ. He was already in RT phase 2.
Towards the end, while I was in the changing room, I noticed another fellow colleague was there. He was also in phase 2.

Indeed quite a gathering. Right? Haha..

- - - -

我觉得我自己好差劲哦。
才几个小时的锻炼，我就 ...
头有微疼
手也渐弱
腰有稍酸
脚也无劲
其实...
胸口也有一阵的痛

I Think I Have Done Something “Evil”..

Got into the habit of writing quite a bit lately.
This leads me to write a two-page letter of complain regarding "UNSATISFACTORY EXPERIENCES WITH X-BANK".

X-Bank has this agent/staff (G.Lee). I don’t even know him well. Something went not too right with his administration of my loan. Reminders after reminders were sent to him to rectify the problem, I only got “standard” and “politically correct” replies from him, that mounts to nothingness. I even told him, if there’s a need for me to write in to formally request, I could. Yet.. yet.. he maintained his style. Hence, I acted.

Okay, I managed to get back what are supposed to be mine. That works out to be a sum of approximately $225. Not really a very hefty amount, but it has to be accounted for, I think.

However, now I don’t feel particularly good. I am a little worried for him (G.Lee) all of a sudden. The manager-of-sort thanked me for writing in and added, “if not we don’t even know such a situation had happened ... ... he should ... ... .” That compounded my concern.

I may have started with the aim of getting what should be mine. I may have forgotten to ask a second opinion to check the tone of my writing. I must have been a little too harsh.

I can’t really deny that G.Lee was being inefficient and I did gave him plenty opportunities to rectify. Yet, is complaining the best way to resolve the situation? Heh.. I feel so “Singaporean” suddenly. I believe there are better ways, aren’t there?

Erm.. I would be a little shy if I were to bum into G.Lee in future. There is a little sense of guilt, as if an “evil” deed had been done.

不解

当有人诚意邀请我们的时候，而我们又没办法出席的话，我们是否应该主动的跟对方表明呢？
礼貌上，总要说一声嘛。

难道现今的标准是
“静悄悄” = “不可以出席”吗？

还是我已经跟不上这时代的脚步了？
“静悄悄”的，我反而会有一点担心。

不要误会，我并没有责怪之意。我只是不解。

发生如此多次，我也得自我反省一番。
或许..
- 对方有心事，而我又关心不到 ( 这是我的不足 )
- 对方确实有不便之处 ( 不好意思、我当谅解 )
- 我关心得不妥当 ( 真对不起、一定让对方好不自在 )

看来，我要进步的地方还真的好多、好多..

Saturday Morning ...

I was looking at the mirror, was preparing to smile and mentally expecting to see my newly-nicely-aligned set of teeth greeting me.

I was astonished to see them shifted very badly. Argg… Why??!! Why??!! Why??!!
I felt bad! I was staring blankly at my set of teeth, staying so expressionless for quite a while. I must have looked so pale. Did I cry? Mm.. I don’t think so.

Some thoughts raced through my mind :
- More than $4000 down the drain?!
- I thought I was (or rather my teeth was) “liberated”?!
- How much more time will be needed to rectify that damage?!
- Should I go through it all over again?!
- What the heck! Nobody notice or bother anyway!

- - - - - - - -

It was just a dream lah..
Aiyo.. just realized my "nightmare” has taken a new “dimension” :P