More Serious, More In-Thought

JP said,“Hey, I never see you so 忧郁 before...”

S, while passing a message to me from Y, had his eyes fixed on my facial for a little too long. He must have sensed something not too right. He must have asked why in his head, but it just isn’t his style to ask in person. I tried to be as composed as possible. Heh.. I must have looked awkward.

P had his concern eyes tracing me when I walked past him. He must have tried to strike a conversation with me, but…

F asked, “Nanzi, are you okay?”. He asked, when he himself is not feeling too well.

Etc..

I must have looked so bad.

There were thoughts in my mind.
Some past memories flooded in.
Current situations weren’t that favourable after all.
Future plans seem not that feasible somehow.
Certain pressures are already building and there’s nothing much I can do.

Truly, I don’t particular feel good within. But I think I feel worse to see friends around me worrying about me.

I replied, “Oh, I’m okay. Thanks. Just a little tired.”

Slightly less “bubbly”, less “cheery”…
Slightly more “serious”, more “in-thought”…

How I hope to bring joy and laughters all around, always.
In some days that I can’t, as least I shall not be a source of worries for the people around. I shall try, even though I seem to have failed quite many times. I can only try harder.

Drifting On..

Birds flying high, You know how I feel
Sun in the sky, You know how I feel
Reeds drifting on by, You know how I feel
It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life ... For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea, You know how I feel
River running free, You know how I feel
Blossom on a tree, You know how I feel
It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life ... For me
And I'm feeling good

These words were ringing besides my ears, while I was lying still on the surface of the sea, just by wearing a buoyancy device. Yes, lying very still on my back, even with the ears submerged below the sea surface.

Everything seems to come to a still. Almost all external sounds were blocked. But when I try to make any sound, my own voice seemed very much amplified (to myself). Strange. Heh.. There I was, with my eyes closed or occasionally opening up my eyes to peep at the passing clouds or birds.

How I wish I could stay this way for longer time.

Erps. Good things needn’t ask for that much. I should be contended already. :)

Oh dear, I think I saw a star up in the sky. Haha.. Kidding. That must be the star we had earned by going through the kayaking course. Heh. Yeah! Soon, I will get a paper certifying that I’ve passed the 1-star kayaking course. And maybe soon, I will be going through the 2-star course.

Maybe... maybe...

~ ~ Water Play ~ ~
Somehow, I think I understand better now, how this duck must have felt at such moment of water play.

Learnt Habits.

Her spaghetti strip snapped at the wrong moment. Erm.. There is no such thing as right moment, I guess. She appeared a little lost as to what she could do. She was rather embarrassed certainly. I was there and offered her immediate “rescue”. She, being super expressive, blurted out so loudly, “Nanzi, I lxxx you.” Erps.. Shy leh.

Nay, I wasn’t that carried away.

Anyway, what I did was to simply pass her a safety pin to secure back the strip safely. Of course, the other ladies were attending to her, helping her to pin up. I wasn’t the one helping her in the pinning up lah.

When her strip was secured back safely, everyone was amazed why I can produce a safety pin in the nick of time? Haha.. As if I have predicted the snapping to occur tonight. Nay, it is a learnt habit, in fact.

I was once caught in a rather embarrassing situation where I needed a safety pin badly (details omitted here). From that day onwards, I tried to carry a safety pin with me every time. I know one day, I might need it. It turns out that I have “saved” many other people from embarrassing situations instead. :)

While I was talking about it. I learnt that R always has an extra set of clothing placed at her work place. Because… Once upon a time, while she was having a cup of milo, someone bumped into her and her cup of milo spilled right in front of her dress. She was drenched in warm milo, literally. Hence, she acquired that habit from that experience.

Many habits can be learnt. I hope they are the good ones we picked up.

Among all our habits, are we ready to give up the not-so-wholesome ones? :)

Floating On..

Just lying flat on my back on the sea… floating on…
The water quality in the sea around Singapore may not be that fantastic, but I was half-submerged in the sea, lying on my back, looking at the clear blue sky. Erm.. So, a solid water quality is not an issue here.

Yes, I was looking at the clear blue sky, but occasionally with my eyes closed… still floating on…

Did I sight a few birds flying across the sky? Erm… Doesn’t matter at all.

I can only say the effect was pretty therapeutic. No joke, I nearly fell asleep, if not of the occasional self-reminders that I should not be drifting too far from shore. I was hoping I can continue to just float on…

Just maintaining in an upright seating position on the surface of the sea... I was still floating on…

Was I drifting? Not really, as the direction I was very much in control.

The waves were so gentle, way too gentle. I can immediately saw a difference on the roughness on the sea surface when a slightly stronger gust of wind came along.

As if the surface experience of the sea wasn’t enough, I did go under it a few times. Heh… How nice.

I am not a swimmer. I was wearing a floating device, of course.
I wasn’t dreaming. I was seated neatly on a kayak, of course.

A rather tiring day, but a fulfilling one, for I think I know F, K and T better.
F’s wide scope of knowledge inspired me.
K’s generosity impressed me.
T’s easy going nature struck me.

~ ~ Staying Afloat ~ ~

One fellow mate was relating her very own experience today. She said to her friend, “I thought I was drowning. I can feel that I was sinking. But you told me to just relax and I did just that. And it happened. I float.”

This sets me thinking...

Just staying afloat may somewhat carry a negative connotation, but it is certainly much better than being submerged. I experienced the bliss of just staying afloat.
If you are just being able to stay afloat, but people around you are experiencing some sort of drowning, will you still give a helping hand? Or must the poor drowning fellow wait till you stand on hard dry land?

A Little Too Off / A Little Too Tight

Just the other day, I was wearing a ( “dark blue business pants” - “navy blue short sleeve shirt” - “white track shoe” ) combination to work.

Accordingly to some of the *little pals, that was a fashion disaster.

Many said (rather politely), “Why are you wearing track shoe? … ”
They were not really interested in my reply actually. Before I tried to give a reply, they had already scanned me from head to toe a few times. Their expression suggested everything.

One said, “Mm.. Sir, don’t match lah!…”

One said, “Sir, can I give you an advice on colour combination?... ”

Etc.

Frankly speaking, their reactions were very “consistent”. I tried that kind of combination a few times, at least once per batch of *little pals and each time the reactions were ahem … just like that. I can only laugh…

Of course, I know how “off” I can be when fashion sense is concerned. But sometimes, I only think of the convenience. Yes, I’m lazy to change into track shoe at the later part of the day, when some sport activities are planned. What a compromise?!

- - - - - -

Just today, I was wearing a ( “dark blue business pants” - “fitting baby blue collar tee” - “no more track shoe” ) combination to work.

Erm.. I was anticipating some reactions, because I saw in the mirror that I looked quite different. Yes, I know the collar tee is a little too tight. Baby blue colour some more. Heh.

Most *little pals that I know of, boldly stared at the shirt or into my eyes strongly. Many (even those that I don't really know) were observed to throw a second glance over my direction.

One said, “Wa, why today wear until so fitting?...”

One said (looking at the brand logo), “Sir, real or fake one?...”
(I replied “fake”, forgetting that a microphone was already clipped near my collar. Argg.. )

One said, “You actually look quite thin… ”
(So I was fat to them??!!!)

One said, “I’ve learnt that wearing fitting shirt makes one looks thinner…”
(To that I said, “But some people wear fitting shirt reminds me of rice dumpling.”
There was a little pause and then came the reply, ”Hey, what you mean by this?” Haha.. )

Etc.

Simply said, I drew just too much unnecessary attention. I think I better go more plain so as not to distract them that much. Haha.. It wasn’t the attention I was after. In the case of the “white track shoe”, I was only into convenience. In the case of the “fitting baby blue collar tee”, I was only wearing what my brother wanna threw away. Heh.

~ ~ Being Observant ~ ~

Come to think about it, these *little pals are really observant. I take it that they are close enough to me, to just tell me how they actually feel about it. I appreciate it, anyway.

- - - - - - - - - -



有一位圣者这么说：

圣人闻善则拜，其德遐迩同馨；
贤人闻过则喜，其品日月同明；
士人闻理则遵，其行高卑同情；
众人闻道则疑，其心忐忑错乱；
小人闻贵则惊，矫揉作态，妒善讥恶。
此谓闻善不能从，圣人忧也。

Be My CT?

The Civics Tutor (CT) of class 2** will be going for maternity leave (real) soon. The class was just informed of their new CT. Their immediate reactions weren’t too happy, for they learnt who will be taking over the class as their new CT.

At the later part of the day when they met me along the corridor…
One said, “Later, can I like to talk to you?… ”
One said, “Why you abandon us?...”
One said, “Can you please fight for us (to be our CT)?...”
One said, “Why you not going to be our CT?...”
One said, “Later, I go and see the principal…”
One said, “The class is going to write a petition…”
Etc..

Erm… I was not too ready for all those reactions. Most of the time, the class remains pretty passive and hardly that articulate. It’s quite obviously they don’t quite get used to their new CT. I don’t have much idea why they think I would be a more comfortable choice. Mm..

I tried to bring forward the idea how simple the roles of a CT are and whoever the new CT is going to be shouldn’t be of that important to them. Most of them expressively disagreed with my argument. One said, “CT must be someone that we can talk to and willing to listen.” Oh well, I wasn’t in the mood to debate about it and I don’t think I fits the bill that well either. I just have to politely tell them to take things naturally and concentrate more on their studies instead.

To be honest, I do feel a little flattered. But I am more worried about two issues :

(1) Firstly, I can feel that whoever is going to take over that class may face a little difficulty initially. I don’t think he can win their hearts that readily. But again, CT is not about winning of hearts. I just hope he does his roles well and finally the entire class can see the qualities in him.

(2) Secondly, I think the dear *little pals of the class should learn to adapt to changes better. It’s not as easy as we say, I know. But when things go not the way they want it, their immediately reactions were not tending towards rationalizing. I mean, the emotional aspects of theirs took over most of their “judgments”. But the big world out there is about changes, believe me.

Aiya..
I’m also not that good at adapting to changes. But I see the need to learn. I am learning, I hope.

Just imagine, if I have gone to the management and insisted that I want to be their new CT. I have my way and I am so sure these *little pals will have their wish fulfilled. However, I choose not to do that. I gave them my reasons too.

I can understand CT can be rather impactful to these *little pals. But being CT here is all about following last minute instructions (which most of the time I don’t quite believe in them either). I rather free myself from such messiness and focus on how I can assist these *little pals better. In other words, I may not be their CT, but I will be “free” enough to give a helping hand or listening ear to all of them. Call that kapo-ness if you wish. Heh..

他们的表情有一点无奈。似乎在等待。等待顺心事连连。
我的心理也有半丝感触。诚心在祈愿。祈愿美事现处处。

- - - - - - - - - -



有一位作者这么说：

有事没做

有些事没人做 ，有些人没事做。
没事的人盯着做事的人，议论做事的人做的事。
使做事的人做不成事、做不好事。
于是，老板夸奖没事的人，因为他看到事做不成。
于是，老板训诫做事的人，因为他做不成事。
一些没事的人总是没事做。
一些做事的人总有做不完的事。
一些没事的人滋事闹事，使做事的人不得不做更多的事。
结果，好事变坏事、小事变大事、简单的事变复杂的事。

『你若是不想做，会找到一个借口；你若是想做，会找到一个方法。』

“You Have XX Days Left”

What if someone tells you that you only have xx (just some simple number any kid can count with their hands) number of days left?
I mean when you know your days of mortal existence is numbered.
In a dream last night, I was "told" about it. It was so real. Maybe, I will be truly "disappearing" soon.

There wasn't panic on my side. I was even composed enough to clarify where I will be transcend to. Heh.. It pretty much seems like I'm ready to go? Not really. Perhaps, I have learnt to accept things (however dark) when it comes along. Anyway, an answer was readily given to my clarification, but it’s not important to mention it here.

I did give a silent sigh in my heart, not because of the "answer". It was more like there are still things I have planned out but yet to be fulfilled. They aren't big plans anyway. But the little sense of lost is there.

Some thoughts were swirling calmly in my head..
- Why I spent so much time on...
- Why didn't I move in that direction set by...
- How many people have I lead...
- What about the travel plan I promised S...
- Why wasn't I more forgiving towards...
- How am I going to face...
- I have yet to hear from him...
- and many other thoughts..

It really becomes more real that..
Tomorrow doesn't belong to us. Not even today, for we don't know what's coming up in the next moment. Perhaps, only the current moment belongs to us. So how do we want to use the time now? We decide.

We may also ask ourselves :
- How many important and urgent things we put aside due to our laziness?
- How many times we procrastinated vital issues because we chose to indulge in other mortal pleasures?
- Do we really need a near-death experience to truly realize the value of time and the family and friends around us?
- Do we think there is life after (mortal) death?
- How many people leave this mortal world in a mentally-ready state of mind?

Anyway, if my existence here is already considered useless, I think I must be prepared to go, believing I can be of better use in the other realms somehow.

想一想，
这一生我到底作了一些什么有意义的事情？
还真的不很多。咳…

虽然觅得无上至宝，可是就是发挥得不好。
不敢怪任何人事物，摆明就是自己的愚钝。

如果就这么走了，我不能说丝毫没有遗憾。

毕竟，
所为不足，至今没有弥补完善；
因为寡虑，无心殃及他人不少；
心中志愿，仍然还未完成一半；
就是怠惰，狠将良心事放一旁；
一因一果，你我他网罗其中缠；
无论如何，我还是得甘愿承受。

~ ~ Time : More Time Please? ~ ~
Of course, I must be asking myself :
What would I be doing if I'm given more time?
Am I going to make every minute counts and make them more worthwhile, or am I going to squander the time away?

Z2 and Ji Family Support ++

The college arranges Parent –Teacher–Dialogue (PTD) quite frequently. Two to three times yearly, if I’m not wrong. I (try to) understand the management’s point of view for the need of PTD and can feel how appreciative some parents are for such an arrangement. But frankly, speaking to parents is never my strength and many times I am at a loss of words of what to say to the parents.

Hence, I hardly initiate any “invitation” to meet a parent. I mean, I seldom say, “X, I want to see your parent.” Nevertheless, I will leave the decision to the parents and would gladly meet them if they so wish to see me. I prefer talking directly to the *little pals. I don’t want to appear intimidating or threatening as they are *little pals. Mm.. Unless, they don’t like my voice and they simply ignore what I say lor. Only then, I may (try to) talk to their parents instead. But it’s not meant to be a complaint or what (although many parents – and some colleagues – took it that way). I am only thinking how things can be done better.

Okay, putting those ideas of “why we need PTDs” and “why I am so lousy at it” aside, I have noted the constant appearance of some parents during these PTD sessions. They were the ones initiating the meet-ups. They are parents of Z² and Ji. Ha.. Yes, I met them again yesterday.

With the mother and elder brother of Z² :

This time round, Z²’s elder brother also appeared together with the mother. And I have met this brother the second time already and the mother as least thrice. I met his father before too.

Their family history has a score of successes and naturally they believe in Z². But Z²’s results never really show. Z² also has high self-esteem. When asked what’s his target for A Level, the answer is an affirmative A, although his grades is either an A attached with an O (AO grade lah), or just an E grade.

Anyway, I like Z²’s high self-esteem. At least we can use that as an advantage and work from there. I mean he must work.

Although, I really want to push him harder in my subject area, but… it is even more worrying when looking at their grades for Chemistry and Physics. In other words, Mathematics is currently his strongest subject. Mm.. How is he going to compete with many others out there, giving the constraint of time now? Still, he seems willing to try.

While we were talking, his brother was taking down notes. Apparently, he needs to report to their dad. The mother is ever so attentive. I tried using Chinese so that she can understand better also. I can see that they are really very serious in wanting to assist Z² and see how best they could help.

This brother and mother did let me understand better how Z² is at home. We were talking freely even in the presence of Z². I don’t think Z² felt uncomfortable in anyway. Haha.. Mainly because Z² and I already communicate quite a bit in college and the input from his brother and mother wasn’t something really new to me. :P

Anyway, I am really happy for Z² for such a strong family support. I learnt that the parents engaged private tutors to guide them in Physics and Chemistry (but not Math). Wa.. Like that ah. Mm.. Ha.. I cannot “slack” liao lor.. Haha..


From the mother of Ji :

Ji is ever so quiet. He is a super guai guai boy. He is like that too, at home. He is the second child and he has two younger siblings. Because of his guai-ness, his mother had spared the rod altogether (for "fairness"), and his two younger siblings were saved. In other words, only Ji’s elder brother was “wagged” by cane before.

Ji does his work diligently, but his result for Mathematics is still quite worrying. Nevertheless, he has made progress significantly lately. At least he is now scoring around the cohort’s average score.

He certainly has doubts in his learning but will be tongue-tight when he is approached, allowing him to clarify. He would often say “I understand”, “no problem” , “no question” or something alike, but he will still (quite) struggle at the next new question given. If we were to just look at his results alone, we may be suspecting that he is not working very hard. But everyone can see his is preparing, working and trying. I can’t bear to scold him too. You know.. Math is already his strongest subject. I am really worried for his Chemistry and Biology.

He has a private tutor for Chemistry, but even at that “private” level, he is still so quiet (according to his mother).

He mother is now a little worried how this dear son of hers can fit into society in the near future. Heh.. Ji has many other strengths also too, certainly.

Anyway, I am just very amazed by the caring nature of Ji’s mother. I can see that she plays a vital role in the moral support for Ji. Ji and his mother communicate pretty well and I see that their relationship is rather close. How nice.

- - - - - - - -

I didn’t get a chance to meet the parents of many other *little pals. Of course, I so believe they care for their sons and daughters alike. It is only natural that the ways of showing that care and concern may differ.

~ ~ 家 ~ ~
外面或许冰冷非常
里面依然暖洋洋的

Many people are saying we can only understand such care and concern when we become parents ourselves. But do we really want to wait until that time comes, then we appreciate our parents the way we want our child to appreciate us? Don’t be silly. You know what I mean.

Besides, many youngsters nowadays are screaming that their parents don’t understand them. I question how much they understand their parents. I always feel that if we are mature enough, we don’t demand people to understand us. We ask ourselves, how much we make ourselves to be understood? How much we try to understand other people?

Aiyo.. Talked too much liao. During Sundays, I tends to be more “talkative” perhaps. Heh..

All the best to all *little pals out there preparing for their examinations or entering (or had just entered) a new phase in their life.

Let’s Walk : I Clocked My Personal Best Timing

Very early in the morning, I made my way to the “Home of the Warriors”. (Ahem.. There is the phrase I saw inscribed across the grand stand of the stadium. So big some more!)

Yes, I was there just for a walk. Wait a minute… “just”? Heh.. I think I took it too seriously. If not, I wouldn’t have clocked my personal best timing. I actually came in first, amongst the hundred (approximately) in my detail. Okay, there was actually another one just right in front of me, but he was obviously cheating (unintentionally, perhaps). He was jogging and not walking. He was politely being told at least twice by the test official that he shouldn’t be “walking” that way. Words didn’t help him. Finally, after jogging for almost two laps, an official was walking beside him during the test, to show him what’s jogging and what’s walking. So that gentleman is disqualified, although he was allowed to complete the walk.

So, I took 14 minutes and 20 seconds for the 2-km-walk. So slow right? Haha.. Try it out yourself. Anyway, be it that good or that bad, it was my personal best timing.

I’m not celebrating. Haiz.. Actually I broke another personal record and that is no good news for my heart is beating too high for any good. It measured 183 beats per minute immediately after the walk. Gosh! I must have pushed myself too hard. But.. I don’t really feel the strain at all. Mm..

I played around with the parameters.

If every other things (BMI, age, sex and timing) were to remain the same, what should be my desired heart beat rate…

Just because I was practically the first to arrive, I realised all the delay tactics I talked about in the previous entry were so useless. Haha.. There were so many test officials waving at me at the end of the walk. They were trying to catch my attention so that they can measure my heart beat - the heart beat of the champion. :P Joking lah..

Anyway, I believe I shall be attempting again and I have one more strategy mapped out. I am seriously planning to upgrade to a Silver award next time round (soon, really). I just got to control my heart-beat.. mm..

Oh yeah, $50 richer now. :)

- - - - - - - - - - -



有一位圣者这么说：

圣人有四忧 --
满身疮痍，不能修弊，故身病；
满心杂尘，不能开明，故心病；
词章琐碎，不能贯一，故语病；
行止错乱，不能由礼，故行病。
此谓德之不修，圣人之忧也。

好想摆脱一种“形象”

多年以来我一直好想摆脱一种“形象”。
到底是怎么样的『形象』，我就不说了。
反正就是我不中意的那一种『形象』嘛。

努力改变的过程，老实说真的相当辛苦。
这旅途中，我也不时对自己产生了怀疑。
去年，我以为我的努力总算获得了胜利。
可是，今天她轻松的对我说的那一句话，
虽然简单带过，我便知道我还差得远呢。

老实说吧，整个下午我的心情好似凝重。
一直反复的再思考，我要做些什么才够？

咳…
我并没有怪她，毕竟她道出了一种事实。
我的成绩单并没有我想象中的那么理想。
难道说，我多年来的努力都是白费了吗？
还是说，现今的我真的是那么没有用吗？
不…
从零蛋到五十分，应该也算是进步了吧？
我看我唯有还要更加的精尽努力就是了。

- - - - - - - - - -



Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up.

He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them. And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.

"Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once."

Summer Talk

I vaguely remember I’d once talked about autumn last year. I’m too lazy to flip through the past entries to verify that.. heh.. leave the past alone and let’s look ahead, perhaps.

If we are counting by the Lunar Calendar, today is the first day of the summer season. But who cares? But, don’t we remember we can always pick up a lesson or two just from any aspect of nature?

Not to worry, I’m not going to conduct a “lesson” here about summer. A few random thoughts flushed through the little brain of mine and I’m now merely trying to put them into words. Let's talk about summer (and other seasons) in a more abstract/figurative sense.

Summer is the season of growth.
(春天萌生，夏天滋长，秋天收获，冬天储藏。Or simply春生夏长，秋收冬藏。)
We do like growth, don’t we? It simply suggests getting stronger or getting nearer to harvesting. This stage is so crucial. How it grows determines the quality of our harvest which in turn determines the quality of life after the harvest. I see that these principles apply well not just in agriculture, but in our daily affairs too. We want results or we want to be rewarded (harvest), then of course we have to put in genuine effort throughout the journey to success (growth).

This is also a season with plentiful of sunlight. The sunlight is so important in the role of ensuring a healthy growth. However, the word “sun” for many youngsters is well-associated with “play”. Oh, carry on and have our fun. At the same time, please look after our crops and ensure sufficient irrigation, if not the scorching heat might act too harshly and there goes a promising bountiful harvest.

If we are just looking forward to a good harvest without wanting to put it any effort, we must be dreaming. Nature teaches us this very well.
(Someone protested : But there are many people, practically doing nothing but leading such a wonderful life leh??!! …
Heh.. If we are talking just within the context of a life-time, I’m afraid our perspective is just not wide enough.)

此乃『一分耕耘， 一分收获』之理。
若一无所为、空想不作或有心无力者，而成日是想着要得到好收成，那便是妙想天开也。

By the way, have we remembered to sow the seeds in the first place during the season of spring? If not, we don't even need to talk about growth? Simply irrelevant. And when winter comes, it will be a sad sad story.
Ha.. See we must not just do the right thing, but also doing the right thing at the right time.

~ ~ (Some) Effects of Summer ~ ~

Undoubtedly, different "input" resulting in different "output". I am not too sure whether you have decided how you want to become at the end of this summer. Or rather, what you intend to harvest this coming autumn? The bitter winter can only be bearable, if the harvest during autumn is good.

Friend Z ; Friend S …

Z called. I was really glad to hear from him. We have not met for quite some time. We arranged for a meet up today. Somehow I felt there should be some “hidden” agendas.

We met and erm.. Indeed there was a “hidden” agenda.
虽然，他别有用意，可是
我感觉到他的诚意、
更是了解他的用心、
也明白他的出发点、
晓得他面对的挣扎。

我们还是谈了许久。
最后，让我安慰的还是他感激及负有希望的笑容。

- - - - -

That day, my heart actually sank when S said “sorry to have let u . . . ”
That is not supposed to be the case.

I am not used to people saying sorry to me. And please, not S.

S is one of the most sincere people I have come across. I know the effort demonstrated by S was already the best, although the effect / result might not be the way S wants it.

But it’s okay. That was part of learning.

My mind was rattling wildly. What am I to do? What am I to say to S? I tried anyway.
The only little relief was to hear S finally saying..
”thanks for the encouragement… really appreciate it...”

I know I still have to work harder.

- - - - - -

Friends naturally play such an important role in my life. In yours too, I so believe.

Will we take it as our responsibility to brighten the days of our friends? I will. In some occasions, I think I had even made a clown out of myself.

What if our effort is not reciprocated? Oh well, sad I may be, but I wouldn’t want to blame them, for I started off asking nothing in return. It only sets me to work harder, I guess.

What if there is disagreement? I really wish to clarify them. Ha.. It’s just my style perhaps. But I must also learn to respect the different styles of others.

Yes, wishing you well, whoever reading this …

- - - - - - - - - -



有一位作者这么说：

如果你不改变，你就会被淘汰。
如果你无所畏惧，你会怎样做呢？

Reconnect with Y

To me and many others, Y is considered “lost” (at the moment).

- He wants to study / revise himself.
- He skipped classes so many times (knowing full well he has crossed the disciplinary line).
- He doesn’t prepare tutorials well and on the rare occasions that he did, the quality of work done is questionable. He only attempts the easy questions, the thinking components were largely left undone.
- He flunked most (if not all) his papers.
- He pulls a real long face when spoken to, regarding his studies and/or attitude.
- He blamed his parents for not trusting him.
- He may even feel that the teachers are unnecessarily getting too hard on him.

Mm.. What am I to do?

The fact :
He is really studying, pretty much on his own. Not in the college, not at home, but at various fast food restaurants.

Another truth :
He is certainly not coping. Just look at his results and his unpreparedness.
So only the Mac Donald’s managers and sales team can give evidences that his is (at least) hardworking (or not).

I have to admit, I was angry with his attitude (but not with him). I also can’t bear to leave him alone. Haiz.. We had quite a long conversation over the phone.

- I am frank enough to tell him (nicely) that his actions are not proper, as a student.
- I laid out my concerns for him. He knows how real they are.
- I told him he is merely revising history (past topics) and neglecting current affairs (current topics). He will always be trailing, I reasoned with him.
- I still render my *service to assist him, if he can tahan my voice. Ha.. Of course, he is welcomed to approach anyone as long as he wants to learn and allow someone to guide him more, in order “to see the light”.
- I lead him to see that the present evidences (he has provided) are all against him and he shouldn’t be blaming his parents or the college management. He has to be responsible for his own actions. That is to say, even if his parents were to question him and even if the disciplinary department were to “pound on” him, he has to take them as a man.
- Yes, we talked about some immediate actions. And when those are done, we should be talking about (very) near future plans.

Surprisingly, he seemed to be listening (or that’s how I’d perceived it to be). More surprisingly, our conversation seemed to be rather relaxed. I can only hope he can do something for himself and allow people around him to assist him.

There is still hope for him to turn around.
And I only hope I'm doing the right thing.

~ ~ Connection Options ~ ~

There are simply many ways we can connect with someone. While the options are great, the fundamental principles remain pretty much the same, I think. Are we sincere? Don't ask what we can get out of this friendship, but what we can contribute to enhance it. Look for the good in them, and tell them when we find it. And so on...

- - - - - - - -

经验告诉我
我只能包容
但不能纵容 …

记忆提醒我
我可以疼爱
但不可溺爱 …

回想过去一段，也许是
太过没有原则的顺从、
过于没有界限的关怀，
才会伤了对方、累了自己。咳 …

One More Reason to Watch 2006 World Cup Final

I have one more reason to watch the upcoming 2006 World Cup Final.

The management actually agrees to students’ petition to start the school later on 10/07/06 (Monday), the Monday morning test-schedule on that day will also be adjusted, and meetings cancelled. Although, I am far from a soccer fan, but I certainly welcome this decision.

Wa.. N even asked me for my opinion before she announced her decision. But we know N had decided well before she asked. Haha.. Still I think her decision is commendable. The *little pals must be so happy.

So, I believe I will be watching, unless…

Mm... Talking about giving in to "petition". Would we do alike? "Petition" submitted to us, suggests something going against our idea, our ideal, our decision, etc. What will be our immediate reactions? We will be patient enough to listen (not just hearing hor.. )?

- - - - - - - - - -



有一位圣者这么说：

心不可杂，杂则神荡而不收；
心不可劳，劳则神疲而不振；
心不可乱，乱则神惊而不明；
心不可烦，烦则神昏而不觉。

Learning is Best Done Through Sharing

Someone mentioned this (at least twice) today and the phrase keeps ringing besides my ears. I think I like it.

I am rather impressed with those presenters today. I am impressed not with the content, not with their delivery, not … , but with their spirit in sharing. They really took quality time out to work on their resources and publicly shared with so many.

I believe in sharing, I really don’t mind anyone taking or using my resources. I take that as an affirmation that my resources are fine. Copy right doesn’t apply to my stuffs, only right to copy rules. But I lack the “courage” to share that publicly.

I do reap the benefits of various sharings (from others, in various fields) these few years. There are really many very talented people out there. They may not be true blue experts, but they are certainly much better than me in many ways. How humbling.

Although I believe so much in sharing, I am yet to be ready to go that public in sharing anything of mine. Perhaps I am just not such a “public person” and I shall share at a smaller scale. Maybe just between you and me. :p

~ ~ Different Perspective ~ ~

From sharings, I never fail to get different perspectives. Alright, it is not necessary that I will automatically buy in the new/different perspectives wholeheartedly, but I appreciate just to learn how other people think or do things. It must also be true that if we are humble enough, we can practically learn from anyone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Why We Need Superman..

Lois Lane wrote Why We Don't Need Superman Anymore and won herself a Pulitzer Prize for her story. However, late in Superman Returns, Lois stares at a blinking cursor, frustrated in her attempt to create an essay titled Why We Need Superman.

In fact, this idea of “why we need superman” crossed my mind well before that scene popped up. So when that scene appeared, I thought the director was to provide a direct answer. I was looking forward to it. But no. This portion was left for our thought. I thought of completing the essay for Lois. But no. I simply lack the skills of doing so.

Maybe, I shall just talk about some random thoughts gathered…

(1) Superman is rather human too. I like the sensitivity he demonstrated towards Richard White and Lois Lane in the show. On the other side of the argument, could be it that every human is a superman too? Heh.. I know this thought of mine is a little too wild, but we do hear people exclaiming “you are my hero.” Soften my point a little bit, maybe I can say every human can be a superman too, but not in the physical power aspects of course. Think intangibly, please.

(2) Frankly, I was rather touched every time Superman rushed to the rescue of anyone. Maybe, I admire the super powers he possesses and can help so many people in distress. Maybe I also hope to possess such super powers. But wait a minute, I don’t have to wait till I acquire that kind of super powers in order to help. I can always help anyone within my (however limited) capacity at that moment in time. But of course, I only dream of “enlarging” such capacity.

(3) Even Superman has his weaknesses (the deadly Kryptonite… cannot see through lead… ), what more we? Pondering upon this for some time, I wonder what’s the point of looking at (and criticizing on) the weaknesses of anyone. Just learn the good from each other would be better. I don’t think you will disagree.

(4) Some people commented that the greatest weakness Superman has is his love for humans. How many times, he actually risked his own safety to save the lives of human? Ha.. How I like this idea. He could have lead his carefree life (all he can) and leave us all alone. But.. Nope. He doesn’t. Simple reminds me of Jesus, Buddha… Haha.. What a link?!

(5) There are so many villains on earth. Superman will be so busy. But his approach is rather “fire-fighting” and erm… not that “preventive”. I mean, he acts only when the problem surfaces. But I think it needs another kind of power to see the future problems (based on current parameters) and try to prevent the problems from realizing. Nevertheless, I still admire him loads.

(6) The existence of Superman simply makes people feel safe (but not for Lex Luthor and anyone alike, I think.. ). What is the value of our very own existence?

Many other thoughts to be shared actually. But I think today, I shall just stop here.

- - - - - - - - - - -



有一位圣者这么说：

最难的任务，困扰不了一个有担当的人。
最猛的风浪，汩没不了一个有信心的人。
最大的阻碍，磨折不了一个有志气的人。